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From then on, that was your principal identity: The Smart One.
Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she (or he) was The Pretty One.
Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity.
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It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results).
Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.
Here's the thing: Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel.
And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.
The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, indulged in them as a student.
Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes -- only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day.
Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened. And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor.
Or knows exactly how to arch your back, flip your hair and glance at that handsome hunk just so such that he comes on over to say hi. By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect.
Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating